It is what it is

Mondays are always tough since I have to adapt to someone else’s schedule and expectations after having a few days with minimal rules. I would have loved to stay home in my pajamas and played with Tanner all day but that’s called play, not work. Work is something that I mostly enjoy although there are times when I emotionally struggle with time missed from my little man Tanner. Work, for Larry and me, is a necessary evil that we created so the philosophy I’ve adopted is “it is what it is”.

God has given me this philosophy to use in many aspects of my life, such as, when my in laws (who are wonderful people) came to stay with us for 5 days the week after Tanner was born. God promises that He won’t give me anything I can’t bear; he didn’t say it would be easy, but He will help me through it. This isn't the toughest thing I have ever been through by far and this isn't the toughest thing I will ever go though.

Right now, as I sit here, I wish I could change my schedule so I am already in my living room floor playing with Tanner. But, it is, what it is, so back to work until that magic time when I get to go home…

Thankful Thursday

I am always thankful for my family, friends, life, health, love, happiness, Jesus, freedom, safety, laughter…

This past week I have been and am still particularly thankful for:

-going camping and enjoying a true break and a renewal (and it was GORGEOUS)
-time spent with Jason and Stormy while camping – cards, cooking, bonfire, geo-caching, riding bikes, etc.
-Larry and his role with Tanner (since he has been out of town all week I have really realized that and that I hate being alone)
-having time to ride my bike and not falling down and embarrassing myself ;o)
-another week that I had lunch with my Grandma
-Taco night with Jill, Daniel, and Lucas (pictured above w/ Jill's permission), the boys loved "Mushroom" and he loved them too!
-getting the church newsletter mailed
-new baking recipes
-watching 3 uninterrupted episodes of Cold Case, not all at the same time
-my friend Cathy who is getting married in less than 2 weeks!! Woo hoo!!

Pepper

Lately, our almost 13 year old Miniature Schnauzer’s health has been rapidly declining.

I got Pepper when I was 18 and when Larry came along, Pepper and I were a package deal, couldn’t have one without the other. He used to go everywhere with me and was definitely one of my very best friends. He would hike with me and we would go to the park just so he could run the trails. He would run a ways a head and then sprint back and look at me as if to say, “What is taking you so long?” He was so good natured and sweet and the way he looked at me told me that he understood whatever I was talking about. I also had this sense that he loved to be with me as much as I loved being with him. He used to always want to sit in my lap, walk right beside me (or under foot), and sleep in the curve of my back.

Sadly, most of that has changed as Pepper has gotten older.

He seems confused, runs into doors and furniture, can’t hear, stares off into space, doesn’t particularly come around much, and growls more than he used to (he also can’t hold his bladder or bowels anymore). I think the time has come to have a conversation with our Vet and see if Pepper is in any pain. Just the thought of having to make any decision where the end result is Pepper not being physically in our lives anymore weighs extremely heavy on my heart.

Camping, Part 2

Camping this past weekend at Douthat State Park was truly amazing. The time together with Larry, my brother Jason, and my sister in law Stormy was awesome and exactly what I needed (an all adult trip – the kids stayed with the Grandparents). I had felt for a long time that I needed a renewal and this past weekend I got one. The air was crisp and the sun was bright. Fall had started to set in so the mornings were cool and the evenings were cold. We enjoyed walking, hiking, riding bikes, cooking out, playing games and cards, and sitting around a big fire that my brother tended like no other. On Friday, the guys fished while the girls talked and read. I even took a nap on Saturday. It was fabulous.

This is a trip I hope to take year after year. When I feel worn out and run down, I need to remember our time at Douthat and how God provided the get away I needed exactly when I needed it most. His beauty was so apparent there that every moment I felt surrounded by God’s astonishing love.

Camping

This week has been a mad dash to get ready to go camping this coming weekend. Larry and I are camping with my brother and sister-in-law, whom we both love dearly, and it should be so much fun. I'm always curious though why it's so hard getting ready to take a vacation...

I probably make it harder than it has to be.

This week has been nuts. Monday I had to take a test at work which meant I studied a lot over the weekend and stressed out until it was finished and passed Monday morning. Monday night I ate dinner with my parents and then Tanner and I walked (he strolled) with my Mom in Wyndhurst. Tuesday I had to drop my car off at BCH in the morning for some routine work, get a ride back at lunch to pick it up, then go eat lunch with my Grandma. Tuesday night my nephew also had a baseball game. Today I had to go to Roanoke bright and early for a CE class for work, pick up new contacts after work, pick up dinner, and later went to the grocery store to get all the food for camping. I also had to make a few things tonight to take camping.

Intertwined with all those activities were the regular activities of my daily life: take care of a 10 month old, work a full time job, get Tanner out of the dog's toys, drop off and pick up Tanner from the sitters, wash 5 loads of laundry - which includes drying and hanging up or folding, give Tanner the 2nd bath of the day because he has peas crusted to the side of his head, pack Pepper and Tanner's items to stay with the grandparents while the adults are camping, go to the store for dinner items because we still need to eat, cook dinner, get myself packed for camping, etc, etc, etc.

I think I need a vacation from my preparation for vacation and I definitely don't think it should be this hard. So as I sit here and type, I'm thinking about cuddling up in bed with the latest book and hunker down, at least until it's time to get the clothes out of the dryer and just relax and take a moment for myself, before finishing the packing for camping.

Smores, here I come.

Time

Where does the time go?

When you first tell people you are pregnant you get a flurry of responses and reactions (for those of you who just asked yourself the question, no I am not pregnant). Most people will tell you about their pregnancy and birthing story and although some are truly wonderful and sound amazingly sweet and beautiful, the majority of the ones I heard were terrible. Others will tell you to cherish every minute of being pregnant because it will fly by, just like when your babies are born, they will grow up too fast. Most Moms will tell you that the last 6 weeks before your baby (or babies) is born is the longest ever. You just want to see that precious face and see those little fingers, toes, knees, elbows, etc. that poked you while they got bigger and their "house" got smaller (although some of us felt like we were shoplifting a watermelon). You want those last weeks to fly by, just to see, love, and hold.

And just like that, time does fly by, your baby is born and at 10 months, take their first steps.

Yes, Tanner took 3 steps this weekend. He has been teetering on the edge of this accomplishment for some time, but officially took his first steps this past weekend. He now finds it hilarious to stand up in the middle of the room, not holding on to anything, and take one step, then another, then another, then plop down on his padded bottom. At this time, 3 steps is the max.

Parents, hold on to your babies as long as they will let you, because its true that time flies and they do grow up way too fast. Cuddle them while you can, read to them, hug them, call them silly lovey names every chance you get, because at some point we all ask ourselves, where did the time go?

In. Out.

I just need to get this small rant out of my system. What's bothering me so is the lack of attention people pay to each other. I mean really taking time for each other, listening to them, and caring.

Sometimes we get so wrapped up in ourselves and our own lives that we miss what's going on around us, or simply, we just don't care what's going on around us. People seem to want something five minutes ago and when it doesn't work out exactly as planned, they are devastated. Well you know what people? God never said life would be easy. Maybe we need to take a step back from our fast paced lives and just breathe. Just stop and take a simple breath. In. Out. Do you feel any better? Sometimes just taking a breath, in and out, gets me through. Ultimately, God gets me through, and he gives me that breath. He's that still small voice reassuring me that everything will be ok. Then that moment comes when I'm grounded again. I continue to concentrate on the in and out, if only for a moment or two, in and out.

There have been several big things going on in my life recently that have just knocked me to my knees. The kind of eye opening events that people my age should not have to experience. But those are just my standards because recently I have had to remind myself, more than in my previous 31 years of life, that God is in control and that everything happens for a reason. It does not mean I have to understand it or like it, I just have to accept that it happened exactly as God planned. Everything is in God's time. He reminds me when I'm so focused on me and what I'm going through to just stop and breathe. In and out. Are you breathing? In. Out.

Thankful Thursday

I am always thankful for my family, friends, life, health, love, happiness, Jesus, freedom, safety, laughter…

Today is 9/11 and I think back and remember how raw I felt when I heard the news of the attacks. Remember 9/11, never forget.

This past week I have been and am still particularly thankful for:

- friends that help motivate me to eat better and lose weight and family that says I can do it
- finding a jogging stroller that was within my price range
- another week that I had lunch with my Grandma
- Target trips and spending less than I had budgeted
- being in town all week and not having to travel to Gboro for work
- getting the church newsletter finished
- the fact that I actually like carrots (because I’ve recently eaten a lot!)
- late night phone calls with friends

Random thoughts for a Wednesday morning

I have read through several of my friends blogs of the last couple of days and feel blessed to have such amazing friends. I am excited because their blogs are so unique and hope they can help me spice mine up. It has also helped me realize that I need to take and post more pictures. All of this will come. Eventually.

Other dreams and ramblings for the day...
I would like to take a day off just to play with my son, to swing, to shop, to hang out with Jill, to have a Pineapple Surf smoothie, to take a cake decorating class, to enjoy learning a new craft - something super fun, to take a day trip, to ride my bike, to explore my surroundings, to paint something in my house, etc. Maybe I will.

Finally.

Several people have encouraged me to start a blog for some time now. It has finally happened. I finally broke down, made time for it, and did it. Interestingly enough, I really wanted to get started last week but I was having a difficult time finding the right name. So I just "let it go" and gave it a few days.

Well, I was driving from work yesterday afternoon to pick up my son from day care and I was listening to a CD that my friend Jill let me borrow. Andrew Peterson was singing about all the things we chase and 'now and then these feet just take to wandering' and I realized that was it. My blog was going to talk about where God's taking me and what happens along the way. So, with All 10 Toes, I hope to share my thoughts, blessings, ramblings, ideas, dreams, and the like, with you.