Mixed Emotions

You ever have one of those times in your life that although things seem to be going ok, you still feel like you are in a major funk? I don't know what my deal is but that last few weeks I have felt run down and a little on the cranky side. Again, I have no idea what my deal is or what exactly this stems from... but I have some ideas.

1. My mom asked me if I was sick. I don't feel sick, just tired and tired of crap in particular. Several things are going on around me that are out of my control and I just want to be able to 1. change them or 2. make them go away.

2. My teammate from work is now out on maternity leave and where as I am truly happy for her, I am doing all her work in addition to mine while she is out. The work is tough, time consuming, I am stressed and I don't have enough hours in the day to get it all done. I don't function well being behind.

3. I don't have a sounding board that gets me.

4. I still want a baby and I'm tired of feeling broken.

5. I'm having trouble with my speech again.

6. I miss my true girlfriends, road trips and the beach.


This is just the short list. The list of things going well is much longer though so that's a plus, I know I'm loved and I do feel blessed. Thanks to Jill, I am also putting my 101 Things That Make Me Smile list in place.

Enjoying Some Fam Time

In a previous blog I stated that we were getting ready to have Larry's family stay with us for a while. Well...they are here! I love having family around and since Larry's family is from CA, we don't get to see them all that much. They are staying with us for an entire week and keeping Tanner since his sitter is closed. We are all loving it. Tanner is really enjoying waking up and seeing his Mimi and Papa.

Today we went to Kid's Cove at at TRBC but it was short lived because it was crowded and Tanner really just wanted to run around. We were trying to think of something inside to do since it's so stinking hot outside. After Kid's Cove we went to Toys R Us where the grandparents bought him a toddler 4 wheeler. It's really small and super cute. I can't wait for him to ride it.

What to do for the rest of the week. Today is the only day I am able to take off because my teammate is having a baby tomorrow. She is being induced and I have been advised that I can not take any vacation while she is gone. I will save that rant for another blog. Anyway...

Off to plan something for tomorrow and dinner for tonight!

Back to blogging...and a haircut

First, my apologies to those who need me to blog more often so they have something to help them waste time. I am sorry I have been a complete blog slacker. I will try to do better. My goal is at least once a week. The thing is, I want to blog when I'm at work because I'm at the computer all day but when I get home, being on the computer is the last thing I want to do. Anyway, I Jamie Gagnon, promise to be a better blogger.

Second, I got my hair cut. I was trying to let it grow out but it was getting to that disastrous part where every day I asked myself what I was doing. What was I thinking?! Since my hair is naturally curly, I was just fighting against nature and sadly, I was losing. My hair was getting to the point where it would take me at least 20-30 minutes just to get it blow dried and flatened. And did it stay that way for long, nope. As soon as any sort of humidity hit it, it would frizz. It feels much better and I think I'll keep it short for a while.

Well, off to finish some chores. Larry's family is coming in from CA next week and I need to get the house in order...

Free Time

What is that you may ask? I feel like I haven't a clue myself.

Af.ter. a l.on.g day. st.ar.t.ng. with. .getting up ear.ly, drivin.g to Greensbor..o, worki.ng and attending meetings.., driving back h.om.e from Gr..eensboro, attemp.ti.ng to change cloth.es .with a toddl.er.......... hanging on my leg, fe.ed.ing said toddler and attemp.ti.ng to feed mysel.f, I AM WHOOPED. Ab.solutely and unequi.vocably who.oped. I am so tired I. feel delirious. I'm sur.e y..ou are saying to y.ourself then how in t.he world are you blogg.ing? Easy answer, Tan.ner. i.s s..itt.ing right h.ere w.ith m.e hi.tting. the .space .bar.. an.d random peri.ods...

Random Knuckle Pain

Over the past several months I have experienced this unbelievable pain in the lowest knuckle of my pointer finger on my left hand. For a long time it felt like it just needed to be cracked (I crack my knuckles all the time anyway) but cracking the knuckle never relieved the pain completely.

Just recently, this pain has become increasingly more painful until I almost feel like I need to take something to relieve the ache and tenderness. I have a very high tolerance for pain and over all body annoyances (headaches, cramps, etc) but this isn’t like any other pain I’ve experienced before.

The pain starts in the knuckle but radiates up my finger and almost across the top of my hand. This is worsened by the fact that I have a desk job and type like a mad man. Sometimes the pain is sharp and sometimes it’s a dull ache. It does feel better when I apply ice but the only time I can do this is at night once my day is slowed down considerably and Tanner is asleep.

No worries though. It will have to just about fall off before I see the doctor about it. Gotta love health insurance (or lack there of).

I could just kick myself...

Although this afternoon snack consisting of light fudge creme between two rich, dark chocolate cookies and a wave of fudge icing over the top may sound like it would be great, but the minute I finish the last bite, I regret it.

Almost instantly I feel like I am going to be sick or I need to lie down. I know this feeling is my own doing, or over doing of sugar, so I just have to suck it up and take the punishment. Hopefully it will pass soon.

I decided to blog in an attempt to get my mind off of how bad I feel. I guess I should have picked a different topic. Anyway, previously to eating this delicious afternoon treat, I loved them. The small ones are just enough sugar to give me a little boost without making me feel sick but the big ones...what a bad idea. I mean BAD IDEA. The big ones are for those of us who seem to lack self control around sweets I suppose.

Well, I’m starting to feel better and wake up a bit. That’s nice because I didn’t end up being sick after all. Hopefully I have learned my lesson and will stick to my current favorite snack of pretzel sticks that contain no sugar whatsoever.

Camping at Douthat, Part 2

We woke up again Saturday morning to a sprinkle of rain. Nothing major, just enough to slow down progress. Thank goodness it quickly tapered off and the sun came out.

Larry and I fixed breakfast for our camp since the rest of our group was still snoozing away and we enjoyed fabulous pancakes and sausage. I really do think we eat better when we are camping then when we are at home. By the time we were wrapping up breakfast, the rest of the gang was awake and moving. We piddled around the campsite for most of the morning and played more ladder golf.

Next thing you know it was lunch time. We knew we wanted to go for a long bike ride so we ate a quick sandwich lunch and then packed up the bikes for a 6 mile “flat” ride. When we got to the location where the trail started, we quickly realized that it was going to be a little wet, muddy, buggy, rocky in most places, and definitely not flat but we decided to go for it. (keep in mind, I am pulling Tanner in a trailer behind me). To say the least, it was a very bumpy ride. Every few seconds either Tanner or myself would let out a “huh” or “ow”. All in all, it was an adventure I don’t think I will attempt again with the trailer. By the time the ride was done, it felt more like 15 miles. We ride 8-10 miles several times a week but this ride kicked my butt. Seriously kicked my butt.

After the ride, we went back to the camp ground to chill. The guys decided to go fishing and I thought it would be a great time to give Tanner a clean diaper and a snack and put him down for a nap. Wrong. He wanted to play and I wanted him to nap. I would have loved a nap too. I could tell that he was tired and it was nap time so it became a power struggle. He kept peeping up over the pack and play or calling my name or flat out screaming to get out of the pack and play. Again, since I could tell he was tired, I was determined that he was going to sleep. Wrong again. After fighting with him for about 45 minutes, I gave up. I got him out of the pack and play and laid down on the couch and told him that I was going to sleep. All I could hear for the minutes preceeding me getting off the couch was “Mama, Mama, Mama, Mama, Mama” and “out ide Mama” and “baw baw Mama”. So we went outside and played ball.

Later that night Larry lost majorly in a game of ladder golf so he had to give Tanner a bath and get him ready for bed. I hear him yell for me from inside the camper so I take off running thinking something is wrong with Tanner (Side note: Tanner currently has his 3rd black eye, he’s just that rough and tumble and clumsy. He’s all boy.). When I get to the camper, there is water on the floor, the shower/tub is leaking and leaking bad. Anyone that knows Larry Gagnon knows that he did not handle this well. That ruined most of the night and set the mood for me to turn in by 9:30. It was actually ok though because I was exhausted.

Sunday morning we woke up to a torrential downpour. No joke. It was coming at us from all sides. Again, for those of you who know Larry Gagnon, he did not handle this well. Also, anyone who’s set up or taken down a tent in the rain knows it’s miserable. It takes us twice as long, we are both soaking wet and banged up. Everything is so slippery when it’s wet that everything you touch you end up either falling down or running into something on the camper. We also did all of this in shifts since Tanner was with us. He fussed most of the time because we couldn’t pay enough attention to him and he let us know it. Miserable. Just plain miserable. So, several hours later when we are finally packed up and ready to go, it’s time for Tanner to eat. Well, we forgot about the time thing so we had packed most of the food and Larry was ready to go. I had to feed Tanner a cereal bar and some crackers from the front seat. Talk about motion sickness. Pleugh.

Anyway, over all it was a good trip but I don’t think we will ever camp again with any significant chance of rain on the day we set up or take down. Oh yeah, on a good note, we ate breakfast at the camp restaurant in hopes that the rain would slow down or stop all together. Although neither of those things happened, I had some fabulous hot cakes and bacon!