Bumps In The Road

I feel like I am currently at a crossroads and I'm not sure what to do.

What I'm currently going through is odd and weird and a little unsettling. I won't go into details about it specifically, but just know that it's not a great place to be. No worries, health wise, I'm ok.

Something happened that neither Larry nor myself knew how to address but it made us both feel uncomfortable, unhappy and quite frankly, angry. After talking it out, bouncing ideas off each other back and forth and talking it out with a friend, the only option that seemed plausible was simple. Prayer.

I stopped what I was trying to do and just prayed. I prayed that God would give me a changed heart and help me know what to do going forward, to give me the right thoughts and words to make a positive change.

Since I never know "the plan" I have to trust that God knows what He's doing and have faith that He will get me through anything. I'm not saying this is easy. I'm not even saying I like this option very much, but I don't feel like I have any other options if I truly stop trying to fix it myself and just get out of His way and let Him work in my heart.

I heard someone recently say that if God is your co-pilot, you're in the wrong seat. Well, I've moved over and am trying my best to just be the passenger. For a control freak like myself, this is very difficult but I have to give it a shot. I am praying not only for a changed heart but for a fresh start and to smooth out my current bumps in the road.

God is Good

God is good is definitely not a new thought but it was one that I was really reminded of just now.

I am in Virginia Beach with a few friends and I just got back from a power walk on the beach, by myself, which in itself is awesome because I am so rarely by myself. I walked and walked and walked and finally just stopped, caught my breath and admired one of God's beautiful creations, the ocean.

As I stood there and just watched the waves crash in and then go back out over and over, I just smiled. The simplicity of what I see but the complexity of what it takes to make those waves crash in and then go back out time and time again blows my mind. God is so big and so powerful and so unbelievably good.

So I just stood there, dug my toes in the sand and took in as much as I could.

God is good, all the time. And all the time, God is good.

IV Iron Infusion...Part II

Tomorrow I have the second iron infusion at Virginia Baptist and I have to say that I'm a little nervous.

I should feel better by now and I really don't. Occasionally I have "jolts" of energy but it goes away very quickly and then I'm completely drained. I have entire days when I feel like a zombie. I just really want to get my life back and at this point, having any energy at all would be a plus.

Not only am I nervous about how I will be wiped out for at least the week following tomorrow's infusion, but the area of my hand and wrist where I had the last infusion still hurts very much. I usually have a very high threshold for pain but this is almost like an ache, like a bone deep strain or something. My folks say I should mention it tomorrow when they go to put in the IV and I guess I really should. We'll see how it all plays out.

I'll have at least 6 hours to sit there during the infusion. This time I'm packing snacks and bringing my iPod. Maybe I can get a nap and catch up on my sleep.

Say some prayers.

IV Iron Infusion...Say What?!

Today was my first IV iron infusion at Virginia Baptist. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't really how I would prefer to spend a warm August afternoon.

I've had low iron for several years now and because of my ongoing stomach issues, I don't digest iron pills very well and it doesn't stay in my system long enough to do any good.

When I saw my doctor this past week for my annual physical we reviewed all my blood work results and he immediately had this look of shock on his face. I must admit I was extremely nervous. He then proceeded to tell me that the results from my iron labs were too low to register. This is not the first time I've heard this. After they retested my iron level in the office, it registered somewhere in the 4 range. "Normal" people's iron level is somewhere between 13 & 15. Needless to say, a lot of the side effects of low iron were starting to make sense for me personally. My doctor proceeded to ask me how I was functioning. Truly, honestly, not well but how do you really know how not well you are functioning until you have something to compare it to?

He recommended getting 2 high doses of iron via infusion and I initially thought he was joking. Say what?! Then the more I thought about it the more I liked the idea. I mean really, who doesn't want to feel better? I definitely do. I would love to have more energy and focus.

So today I finished my first round. I will do another IV iron infusion in 2 weeks and will spend another Monday afternoon at Virginia Baptist Hospital for at least 6 hours. All of this in the name of feeling better...bring it on.

Thankful Thursday

This week I have been especially thankful for many things. Below is just a snapshot of those blessings both big and small.

~~ Celebrating being married to Larry for 10 years, crazy to think we have been married that long and I am thankful for all the memories we have made

~~ time spent dreaming about vacations, building another home and expanding our family

~~ the challenges of being a parent, I know that sounds crazy but I keep telling myself all the challenges are just sharpening my parenting skills and hopefully helping

~~ getting to spend extra time with my Mom and Dad since they are the most awesome peope in the world and volunteered to keep Tanner all week while his preschool was closed

~~ leftovers

~~ late night snacks

~~ 5 minutes of quiet time in the car when I feel like I can actually hear God

~~ getting to hang out with friends and catch up, be silly and let go

5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Part Deux

Oh good day.

Today I felt like a parenting experiment gone terribly wrong. Terribly, terribly wrong.

Today has been one of those days when I look back and go, "Wow, really? That's how that went?" Sadly, yep. No need to take down notes or jot down any tips because today nothing seemed to work. Maybe that's he lesson in it all?

Not only was the countdown in full effect so was the following:
1. the toddler time out
2. the Mommy time out
3. ignoring said toddler's temper tantrum and subsequent yelling and throwing of small self on the floor
4. encouraging said toddler to make another choice and showing awesome options that would be a billion times better than the previously mentioned temper tantrum
5. begging
6. pleading
7. crying

Dear God please bless me as a parent and give me the wisdom to be the parent you planned for me to be and Tanner needs me to be. Please let me wake up with a few new tricks in my parenting bag, that, or could you maybe send me on a vacation?

5, 4, 3, 2, 1

The countdown.

More than likely you've either heard this from your parents during your childhood or you've used it recently as a parent with your own kids although the number sequence may vary.

I have recently found myself having to use the countdown in more situations that I care to admit. Mostly, I use the countdown in trying to teach Tanner obediance. This is a huge concept for a 2 year old but what a better time to lay this foundation than right now? Right? Maybe?

He needs to have a clear understanding of what Larry and I expect from him and what society expects of everyone as human beings. I am trying to raise a thoughtful and caring little boy so that when he grows up and is a man, he knows how to treat those around him.

I have also had to use the countdown for myself, especially when Tanner in his true 2 year old fashion disobeys even the littlest request. I mean the blatant disobediance frustrates me on a level I didn't even know existed for me personally.

I am usually a very calm, relaxed and flexible person. I also pride myself with being aware of how others are feeling or perceive situations and this goes for Tanner as well. I try to remember that he is only 2 and he is learning about his environment and is bombarded continuously with new input that he has to make sense of. It's the times when I can see him thinking about what I'm asking him to do, or not do, and then purposefully making the opposite decision that is unbelievably infuriating. For me, this is when I have to use the countdown.

Tonight I found myself actually having to walk away, leave the room, breathe it out and apply the countdown just to get control of my emotions. I hate feeling like I can't get Tanner to understand that what I'm asking him to do is in his best interest. What 2 year old understands this? Instead, I have to make myself understand that this is just a bump in the road and tell myself that it will get better and to keep on teaching him the things I need him to know and get.

Until then 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.