Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Bumps In The Road

I feel like I am currently at a crossroads and I'm not sure what to do.

What I'm currently going through is odd and weird and a little unsettling. I won't go into details about it specifically, but just know that it's not a great place to be. No worries, health wise, I'm ok.

Something happened that neither Larry nor myself knew how to address but it made us both feel uncomfortable, unhappy and quite frankly, angry. After talking it out, bouncing ideas off each other back and forth and talking it out with a friend, the only option that seemed plausible was simple. Prayer.

I stopped what I was trying to do and just prayed. I prayed that God would give me a changed heart and help me know what to do going forward, to give me the right thoughts and words to make a positive change.

Since I never know "the plan" I have to trust that God knows what He's doing and have faith that He will get me through anything. I'm not saying this is easy. I'm not even saying I like this option very much, but I don't feel like I have any other options if I truly stop trying to fix it myself and just get out of His way and let Him work in my heart.

I heard someone recently say that if God is your co-pilot, you're in the wrong seat. Well, I've moved over and am trying my best to just be the passenger. For a control freak like myself, this is very difficult but I have to give it a shot. I am praying not only for a changed heart but for a fresh start and to smooth out my current bumps in the road.

Friday, September 24, 2010

God is Good

God is good is definitely not a new thought but it was one that I was really reminded of just now.

I am in Virginia Beach with a few friends and I just got back from a power walk on the beach, by myself, which in itself is awesome because I am so rarely by myself. I walked and walked and walked and finally just stopped, caught my breath and admired one of God's beautiful creations, the ocean.

As I stood there and just watched the waves crash in and then go back out over and over, I just smiled. The simplicity of what I see but the complexity of what it takes to make those waves crash in and then go back out time and time again blows my mind. God is so big and so powerful and so unbelievably good.

So I just stood there, dug my toes in the sand and took in as much as I could.

God is good, all the time. And all the time, God is good.

Monday, September 6, 2010

IV Iron Infusion...Part II

Tomorrow I have the second iron infusion at Virginia Baptist and I have to say that I'm a little nervous.

I should feel better by now and I really don't. Occasionally I have "jolts" of energy but it goes away very quickly and then I'm completely drained. I have entire days when I feel like a zombie. I just really want to get my life back and at this point, having any energy at all would be a plus.

Not only am I nervous about how I will be wiped out for at least the week following tomorrow's infusion, but the area of my hand and wrist where I had the last infusion still hurts very much. I usually have a very high threshold for pain but this is almost like an ache, like a bone deep strain or something. My folks say I should mention it tomorrow when they go to put in the IV and I guess I really should. We'll see how it all plays out.

I'll have at least 6 hours to sit there during the infusion. This time I'm packing snacks and bringing my iPod. Maybe I can get a nap and catch up on my sleep.

Say some prayers.